Not too long ago, there was a little girl, She had a dream of growing up, falling in love, getting married, and having a family When you are young, it seems so far away and truthfully it looked much easier than it is.
Well that little girl grew up, She fell in love with a man that she never saw coming. She met him when she was a sophomore in college, but they didn’t fall in love until about 15 years later. It was fast- and many probably questioned what She was thinking, especially if they had known all that he had been through in the years prior. But honestly, to her, he felt right. He was funny, quirky, frustratingly smart, and he could handle her big personality- never letting her walk all over him. He was what she had been looking for, for so many years.
But she found something- it’s not easy.
She always knew a lot of things about love, She knew that it wasn’t perfect, She knew that she would have to choose to love her partner over and over again. Truth to be told, She had experienced it before. But Nick, Nick was different than before. To her, he was electrifying. All it took was one look from him and she could feel it to the tips of her fingers. His words- and intelligence- and his heart were what she had longed for. They could spend hours having deep conversation about whatever and while he would tell you “I was just having a conversation,” She would end up arguing because let’s face it she was stubborn and wanted to be right. So, they go married.
Love is sharing a bed with someone- this is much harder than it seems… I never realized how much I love my space. Love is waking up to tell someone that you love them as they leave for work- and you are not a morning person. Love is taking their children to the park, or buying clothes, or making dinner. Love is letting the kids help make dinner- which let’s face it, if you have children you know that we love it when they help but it take 2-3 times longer than it would have had you just made dinner. Love is the smile on a child’s face when they see you coming. Love is the little kisses and glances across the room when no one is looking but the two of you. Love is the walking or driving in silence holding one another’s hands. Love is watching a horror series on Netflix(that actually turned out to be better than I anticipated- though I did have a few nightmares from it, definitely recommend it.) Love is buying a fall wreath because you know it would be meaningful to your partner. Love is the playful laughter and for us, the different voices, dances and music that gets played. Love is so much more than that little girl could have imagined.
While it is so wonderful, it is also very hard.
Love is holding that person when they are upset. Love is understanding when they are dealing with past traumas and being present for them having no clue what to do except to love them. Love is wanting to pull your hair out because you are so frustrated with your partner but you don’t. Love is taking a walk so that you don’t just annihilate your partner with hurtful words (because let’s face it we know how to hurt with our words). Love is naming when you are wrong. Love is recognizing when you have used your words to hurt your loved one because you feel hurt. Love is getting the help that you need. Love is standing by someone while they get that help. Love is fighting through the tough moments. Love is giving one another space to breathe when you feel like you’re suffocating. Love is saying “whatever you need to do” when your partners dad has a stroke and they need to be with them instead of you. Love is staying when it might be easier to just walk away.
Love is not easy. And love is often a choice.
Over my many years of ministry, I have watched people love one another well and even now as I watch people lose loved ones, I watch how the definition of love is changing for them. Caring for their loved one as they walk through this final stage of life- doing whatever they can to make it easier, allowing their partner to know that I am here and I love you.
As I think back on my life- that little girl had no idea what life had in store, but she did figure one thing out…
Love is worth it.
And while is definitely not easy, I would say that it’s worth the pain, struggle and sometimes heartache. It is an action word whose definition is ever-changing. It is worth the time that it takes to find, and it is definitely worth not settling for. Find the one that makes your heart sing- even in the midst of the chaos. Find the one that you want to fight for (and with- sometimes fighting can be fun). Find the one who will also fight for you.
Marriage and love are not easy roads- but they are sure full of adventure and complications that make it all worthwhile.
