I am not ready...

At some point over the last week, I heard a story of a man who was just never ready for what he was facing… First, he wasn't ready to go to college, or graduate for college. Then he got married, and he said he wasn't ready for that, then he had a couple of children that again he wasn't ready for. After a while, he became Vice President of the company that he worked for at the age of 45. Eventually he would become the CEO. At each stage, he said he wasn't ready. So he went to a cave, and vowed to not come out until he was good and ready.

There are times when I feel like that old man. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS. When I stepped into this role of Youth minister, I told the senior pastor I didn't want it, and after talking about it for a little bit I reluctantly agreed. My thought was I am not ready for this, and I know that there were a few people who thought the same thing I thought, she is not ready for this role. But as I stepped into it, I found that I had the knowledge and the gifts to do it. In saying yes though, I found myself having to rely more fully on God. While still saying I am not ready. I have since taken on the role of being a local pastor and being appointed to where I am now. In taking on that role, I have agreed to be itinerant. If you don't know what that means, it means if someone calls me and says they would like for me to move churches, I will agree. Agreeing to be itinerant is not exactly what I thought I would ever do. I like having control of every situation I am in, and I have no control over where I will be. THAT IS SCARY. I am not ready.

I often feel like I am not ready, or I feel like I cannot do this. 

At the same time, I can hear the scriptures in my head, "I will be with you, until the very end of the age. For nothing is impossible with God. Nothing can separate you from God." To know that we are not alone, no matter how alone we feel. To know that God is there walking beside us. The thing is though, I still don't feel like I am ready.

Yet, I continue to say yes. I continue to feel uncomfortable. I continue to do things that I think I cannot. It says nothing about me, but says everything about God. 

I am right, you know, I cannot do this. I must look to God and have faith that God is going to pull me through it and give me the tools and the people necessary to do whatever it is God is asking me to do. Am I scared? Most definitely. Is it worth it? Most definitely. Will I continue to trust? Yes. Am I ready? NOT A CHANCE, there will always be days when I want to crawl in a cave and not come out, but I just have to trust that where I am called, God is leading me there. So I will follow ready or not.